Wednesday, March 25, 2015
Praise God we've made it to this point!
The last week or so has been quite rough. Yesterday, however, things got better. We laughed together. We shared smiles. We held each other.
My wife informed me that the next month or two might be difficult. She wasn't kidding.
It was around this time last year when things got ugly. I wonder if the Easter Season will always remain this way. Have I stained and tainted one of the most glorious events in all of human history with my sinful and destructive choices?
Easter is a time to celebrate the historical and verifiable resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ. His victory over the grave provided a genuine and accessible joy and freedom to everyone on the planet.
Because I chose to have a relationship outside of my marriage during the Easter Season (2014), and in 2013 I chose to secretly carry on conversations with a girl from my past (including seeing her in person a couple of times), this time of year brings about painful reminders for my wife.
A couple of days ago, my wife asked me if I was hiding anything. She asked me if I had anything devastating to tell her.
I understand why she wanted to know. In the past, I was hiding. I hid my inner conflict. I hid my inner pain. I hid the fact that I didn't know how to deal with issues from my past. I hid the fact that I felt helpless to clearly express disagreement with my wife. I hid relationships that I fostered outside of my marriage. I taught my wife that I was not to be trusted. I violated her trust repeatedly.
This time, I have nothing to hide. I am broken. I have been humbled. I am transparent with my wife. I have chosen the road of true repentance.
It actually feels good to have nothing secretly hidden deep down. I prefer the light and easy burden of honesty. Carrying around lies and secrets is a dreadful way to live. Trust me, I lived that way for quite a long time.
So, when my wife asked me if I was hiding anything, I was able to freely and truthfully answer, "No." I am hiding nothing. I am completely hers - body, mind, and heart.
A major problem with infidelity is that the person who has been cheated on will compare themself to the "others." They will perpetually wonder why you chose physical/psychological intimacy with someone else. They will continue to feel less than good enough. Their self image, self respect, and self worth will have been thrust so far down that you might wonder if they can ever be built back up again.
I am here to tell you that there will be seasons. There will be ebbs and flows. The healing process takes a great deal of time.
If you are in the process of restoration, please know that there will be good days, and there will be bad days. Continue to love each other through the pain. Continue to stand hand in hand. Continue to stand side by side. Carry each other when you need to. Look to Christ Jesus always for your strength.
Blessings to you