A Weekend to Remember

I Encourage You to Attend!

Check out these great resources!!

My wife and I are at the Family Life Weekend to Remember in Irvine. I had to share some of these resources with you.

This first one has several options: A Oneness Prayer Challenge by texting ONENESS to 33733, Something to FOOLPROOF YOUR ANNIVERSARY by texting CELEBRATE to 33733, and other resources by texting FAMILYLIFE to 33733.

The speaker said at the close of the first session, "Some of you came here with divorce papers in hand. I only ask one thing of you...please come back for tomorrow's session." Two years ago, I had divorce papers in hand. No, we didn't attend a marriage conference, but we did make a complete turnaround by the grace of God. I want to encourage you to click on the Weekend to Remember link above and sign up for a conference. They have conferences scheduled all over the U.S. I am not affiliated in any way with Family Life. I have absolutely zero incentive to share their events or endorsed books with you. I am simply sharing these things with you because my wife and I love you. We are praying for you. We are praying for the restoration of your marriage. It is possible! But you need as much support as possible. 

  

As we walked through the resource area, I came across these books. They aren't clickable links. They're only pictures of the front covers (sorry, I'm not super tech savvy). I know that some of you are on the verge of divorce. Please take a look at Before the Last Resort before you sign the dotted line.

Also, nearly every time I've been contacted by a wife who has a cheating husband, I recommend the book, Every Heart Restored. Now I'd also add to the list, Torn Asunder and Choosing Forgiveness.

I want to thank all of you who have been praying for my wife as she endures cirrhosis and this unexpected pregnancy at the same time. Thankfully we've now entered into the Second Trimester! Yay!! Please continue to pray for my wife's healing, as well as the healthy development of our sixth child. Once we find out if it's a boy or girl, I'll share that info here.

Blessings to all of you! 

SAVE THE DATE - 5/28/16 - LET'S DO THIS TOGETHER!!!

Let's Do This Together

In Philippians, the Apostle Paul talks about believers in the church standing together, unified in "one Spirit, striving together as one for the faith of the gospel" (Phil 1:27).

As a reminder, the gospel is the GOOD NEWS that Jesus heals, forgives, restores, gives freedom, and gives new life. Jesus is the One who claimed, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me" (John 14:6). Plenty of religious figures in history have made incredible claims like that. However, Jesus is the ONLY one who was killed, and then three days later walked out of the grave - victorious over sin and death - validating His claims! 

Most of us know what happens if you take one tiny strand, weak and vulnerable in and of itself, and then bind it together with more strands. What was once weak becomes strong.

"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken" (Ecc 4:12).

Here's The Problem

Porn is an epidemic. I briefly talked about it in my post entitled, "Porn is Okay." The addiction cycle that shackles hundreds of thousands of men (and women) needs to be broken. 

Sexual addictions that people pursue blindly, thinking there is some kind of realistic fulfillment and satisfaction need to be broken.

Most of us stand back shaking our heads in disgust, but WHAT ARE WE DOING ABOUT IT?

These issues destroy lives. These issues destroy relationships. These issues tear families apart.

We are in the midst of a spiritual war. It is time to take a stand and FIGHT!!!

Here's What I'm Doing About It

I am going to start with one day of prayer and fasting. I am setting the date (5/28/16) far enough in advance that YOU can participate in the event. I am setting the date far enough in advance that you can have the opportunity to share the information with others.

So please share this post with your friends, family, and other believers in Christ. Share via text, Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, however you possibly can. Let's rally as many believers together as possible to stand in unity, fighting the enemy on our knees before the Throne of Grace.

MAY 28, 2016

What Is Fasting?

Fasting is an act of worship where something is sacrificed in order to seek God. Some people will fast from food and liquid. Some people will fast from food only. Some people will fast from certain kinds of foods, restricting themselves to only fruits and vegetables. I am going to fast from all foods and liquids on the day of the event.

IF YOU HAVE HEALTH ISSUES, PLEASE CONSULT YOUR HEALTH CARE PROFESSIONAL TO HAVE A FULL AWARENESS OF WHAT YOU CAN SAFELY ABSTAIN FROM.

Fasting should be a regular part of the life of a believer in the same way prayer, singing songs of praise, reading the Bible, attending a worship service at church, and taking communion are.

The purpose is to use the time you are giving up (fasting) in order to pray and seek God. So rather than sitting down for breakfast...lunch...dinner, I will go into my room, close the door, set aside all distractions, and pray. 

The Bible give instructions for fasting. Here is an excellent article about what the Bible has to say about fasting: FASTING IN THE BIBLE.

Who Can Participate?

ALL BELIEVERS IN CHRIST! Singles, Married, Teens, Seniors, People who have never been directly affected by porn/adultery/divorce, Any Denomination, Anyone who believes in the power of Jesus' name, Anyone who wants to stand in unity against the enemy.

What Are We Praying For?

Here is a list to start with, but don't limit yourself to these suggestions. Be led by God's Spirit as you pray:

Freedom from addiction - Restoration of families - Restoration of marriages - Freedom from porn - Downfall of the porn industry - Freedom for those working in the porn industry - Redemption for those who work in the porn industry - Freedom for those caught in the web of adultery - Hearts of grace and forgiveness for the spouses who have been hurt

Please Commit and Share

If you'd like to, post a comment to serve as your RSVP. Let's encourage one another as we stand together.

Is This More Than We Can Bear?

We have been through so much.

If you've read many of our posts, you know that my wife and I truly love each other.

In fact, it might seem like we are in a place that you and your spouse could only dream of being. I've repented (which means I've turned completely away from my sin/wrong choices). My wife has forgiven me. We have been working for nearly 2 full years on restoring our marriage and molding it into the Biblical framework for marriage. We have passionately sought after Christ Jesus as our Lord.

So, you read a post every once in a while...or maybe you've only been here a couple of times and skipped around, trying to find something that sounds similar to your situation. You find glimmers of hope. You find inspiration to keep on praying and fighting for your marriage, in spite of the popular culture's opinions. And in your mind, you might even picture us as an ideal couple now. You might think or assume that our lives don't have hangups or anything tragic anymore.

Well, I'm going to tell you about what we're currently struggling with and praying for.

My wife has Hepatitis B. Yes, usually it is thought to be a sexually transmitted disease. However, we were married rather young, and she was a virgin when we met. She has been completely faithful since the day we first entered into a relationship with each other. This was a case of "bad things happening to good people." My wife was a straight-A student. She wasn't a troublemaker as a kid. This was something that most people would say shouldn't have happened to her. We first learned about it 22 years ago when she tested positive for Hepatitis while going through prenatal care for our first son.

Hepatitis B affects the liver. Sometimes cirrhosis (basically a degeneration of the liver) is the result of hepatitis. My wife has developed cirrhosis. She has scarring on her liver. We don't know what the full extent of the damage looks like, but we are consulting with her primary care physician, as well as a liver specialist. 

Last night, we learned that she is pregnant.

Normally this would be a time for us to celebrate. We have 5 boys. We love our children. This could be our baby girl that we've hoped for.




BUT...my wife was just prescribed a new medication to hopefully eliminate the Hepatitis B. You probably know that medications and pregnancies don't mix well. Our concern is that every day she waits to start the medication, her liver could be getting worse.

We don't know anything more at this point. The future is completely uncertain. But isn't that the case with all of us? How many of us can say for certain that we'll wake up in the morning? Isn't each new day a blessing in and of itself?

At this point, we are trusting completely in God. Honestly, it's not fair that my beautiful, faithful, loving wife had a husband who cheated on her. It's not fair that a good girl, with so much to offer the world, would contract a disease usually reserved for those who are sexually promiscuous. She's followed the right path. This is an excellent example or evidence that there is no such thing as karma.

We know that God is sovereign. We are doing everything within our power to learn about and fight the disease. 

Here is our plan of attack (spiritually speaking):

1. Pray. "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans" (Romans 8:26). I've prayed, and I don't know what else to pray for. I know that according to the Bible, the Holy Spirit will intercede on my behalf. The point is, I'm being obedient. I'm seeking God.

2. Trust. "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6).

3. Ask. We are asking that you lift us in prayer. Please pray for our family. Pray for my wife. Pray for our relationship. Pray for our unborn baby. Pray for healing. We have been praying for you, even though we've never met. We would be so thankful and sincerely appreciative that you would pray for us as well.

In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. - Psalm 18:6

LATEST NEWS

Two Items To Announce

1. I've Been Published Elsewhere

A new audience has been introduced to this blog through the digital magazine and blog, "Ruby for Women."

Their blog states:

At Ruby for Women, we offer words of hope, inspiration, and encouragement to women everywhere. God has given a story to each one of us, and in the Ruby for Women community, we seek to hear the true and authentic voice of every Christian woman. We hope you will share your story with us!

Even though I am not a woman, they felt my story might touch and bless the lives of their readers.
Here is their February issue (my contribution is titled "Happily Never After"):

2. I'm Overcome With Grief

Emails continue to pour in from all over the world from spouses who don't know what to do because their marriage has been impacted by infidelity. When I started this blog, I knew it was bad, but it really hits home when you begin to hear personal stories firsthand.

Many of these people are ashamed and want to keep it a secret. I understand why they feel that way right now, but finding a solid support system is vital for the healing to take place. Look, my wife still isn't comfortable with our names being associated with this blog yet. I get it. However, finding a pastor or trusted friend who is mature in their faith to stand beside you and your spouse is so important. The Bible tells us to "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ" (Galatians 6:2).

What is the law of Christ? Jesus said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments” (Matthew 22:37-40)

These instructions tell us to love God first, and others second. We are to love others with as much care and compassion as we love ourselves. If I am hurting, I'm going to find a way to tend to my needs. If I am aware of someone else who is hurting, according to Jesus' command, I am to tend to their needs. Galatians 6:2 explains that in doing so, the law of Christ is then fulfilled.

Secondly, we should be praying for each other. James 5:16 says, "...pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective".

Here is my second piece of news. I am going to start a prayer chain through this blog. I am asking those of you who are willing, to send me an email with the subject line "Prayer Chain." I don't have to know your personal name or details. I simply want to share the blessing of praying for others.

IMPORTANT INFORMATION - I am NOT going to release ANY personal or confidential information about anyone who wants prayer. My email will look something like this:

Dear prayer warrior,

Please pray for a couple in Maine who have 3 children, and the wife's affair has just been discovered. Please pray for an end to the affair. Pray for the protection and preservation of their children. Pray for a softened and gracious heart for the husband. Pray for healing and restoration.

Blessings,
J.L.

God already knows their names. I'm just asking for people to pray alongside of me. If you're interested, email me here: forgiven

Hope Is Real

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick,

but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." (Proverbs 13:12)

Are you longing for your marriage to be restored?

If you're new to this blog, I want you to know that there IS HOPE for your marriage! No matter how overwhelming your pain is if you've been cheated on. No matter how much you hate yourself, feel unworthy of forgiveness and believe that you can't change if you've done the cheating. Even if you've already filed for divorce, there is still hope.

How can I say this?

Because my marriage is a living testimony to God's grace, forgiveness, and His power to heal and to restore.

Nothing about our journey has been easy, but I stand here looking back at what I've done in the past and my life has been put into perspective. 

Within the big picture - 

I am a human being, created in God's image (Genesis 1:27). I have sinned (meaning I have done wrong in the eyes of God by failing to live up to His perfect measure of holiness). I had a broken relationship with Him (Romans 3:23). I repented (meaning I changed my ways and turned away from my sins). I confessed my sins and have been forgiven (1 John 1:9). Now I am walking in His grace, in a relationship with Him (John 1:12).

Within the smaller picture -

That process in and of itself wasn't some kind of mystical formula that instantly restored my marriage. As humans, we still struggle against pride, as well as wrestle with shame and unworthiness issues. I am so thankful that my wife was able and willing to stay the incredibly painful course. 

Please remember that pain and difficulty doesn't equate to an impossibility. While in context, Jesus was talking about the difficulties of the rich (those who place their faith and hope in money) being saved/entering the Kingdom of God, He did say, "with God all things are possible" (Matthew 19:26). I would argue that same truth has complete relevance in the area of marital restoration.

If you need help or prayer, I have a list of resources on my main site: Forgiven Cheater

Another option - you can always post a response on any of my blog entries.

Or, you can email me directly.

God Bless You

We Are Getting Divorced

The Text I Received From A Friend

Please pray for healing for us. We are getting divorced. We made a mistake getting married.

My Response Was This

I'm so sorry to hear that. We will continue to pray for you.

My Gut-Reaction

First of all dear friend, my prayer for you is that you will find the courage and grace to mend your marriage. I am sick on the inside. This epidemic of "WE MADE A MISTAKE GETTING MARRIED" has to come to an end. Remember, I said the exact same words to my wife - as I alluded to in my post, "I've Fallen Out Of Love." Our marriage has struggles, yes - but I am passionately in love with my wife. I never dreamed that I would ever be so completely satisfied and joyful in any relationship.

A Message To The Voices In Our Culture

All of you placaters and politically correct water-downers who have some kind of fear of speaking the truth - STOP. Stop placating. Stop watering down situations and helping to further the destruction of marriages, while turning your backs on the beauty of forgiveness. Stop encouraging people that there's somebody better out there. Stop telling people that they deserve better. Stop fostering the idea that a mistake had been made in the marriage.

Learn to speak the TRUTH in love, so that we can grow and mature in Christ (Eph 4:13).

We need to take collective responsibility for the epidemic of divorce and broken homes in our country.

Here Are The Three Sections Of My Friend's Text

Please Pray For Healing For Us.

Absolutely. Will do. Already on it. I prayed this morning before I even asked him how things were going. I prayed after I received his text. I am praying as I type. I will continue to pray as the hours and days pass in the future.

What am I praying for? Healing that looks like this: Forgiveness, Grace, Humility, Brokenness spilling into new life, RESTORATION.

Why am I praying for these things? Because it is what I am called to do. Because it is the WILL OF GOD. Because it is the right thing to do. MOST IMPORTANTLY - because it is feasible, plausible, and unarguably possible through Christ Jesus. My marriage is a living testament to that claim.

We Are Getting Divorced.

This is the popular track to follow. This seems easiest. End it all. Chalk this one up to experience. Live and learn. Cool. Let's throw a divorce party and move onward & upward!! (Yes, there is a growing trend of divorce parties, much like bachelor and bachelorette parties with people/businesses turning quite a profit.)

Things WILL NOT get better. Psychology Today reports, "67% of second, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce." TIME devoted an entire article to the subject, noting, "the replacement...doesn't actually restore the family."

So I ask you why. Why are you getting divorced? You can't take the heat? That's what up-close and personal relationships are like. Things get heated. Situations get uncomfortable. Sometimes people seem unbearable with their annoying traits and nagging voices and all the other things that drive you up the wall...wait...what about when the camera is flipped around? What does your spouse see in you? All of your flaws/annoying traits/blemishes.... BECAUSE WE ARE ALL FLAWED. Remember this, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Rom 3:23). The only perfect person is the Lord Jesus Christ. That's because He is God in the flesh. We can never measure up to that level of perfection.

Marriages are a direct reflection of the relationship between Christ Jesus and the church. "We all, like sheep have gone astray" (Isa 53:6). We all have been unfaithful to our God, over and over and over again. And yet, God demonstrated His love for us "while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Rom 5:8). Do you see that? When we were busy offending and snubbing God, Jesus DIED for us, in our place - He took our sin on Himself and gave us the opportunity to be made righteous and sinless in His sight. What does that mean? It means, He enabled forgiveness and restoration.

The three basic ideas of a marriage are this: 

1. Two separate people become one (Mk 10:8, Gen 2:24, Eph 5:31, Matt 19:5). Get it? Two sinful, selfish people with their own flawed egos enter into a relationship that was designed to last a lifetime.

2. A wife is supposed to submit to her husband (Eph 5:22-23). That means all of her hopes, dreams, and desires are to be submitted to her husband.

3. A husband is supposed to love his wife in the same way that Christ loved the church (Eph 5:25). That means, a husband is supposed to sacrificially lay down his life for his wife.

If those three basic idea were truly followed, there would never be divorce. There would be no abuse. There would be no infidelity. There would be no conflict. There would be no issue. There would be no epidemic. Why? Because there would be equal submission. There would be equal sacrifice.

We Made A Mistake Getting Married

No you didn't. You were madly in love with each other. You couldn't stand to be apart. You constantly thought about one another. Your heart raced when you first met. You wrote songs about your love. You spent time writing to each other, expressing your heartfelt passionate words of love.

You made mistakes along the way. Some of those mistakes hurt deeply.

You're making a mistake by getting divorced.

Stay the course, even when it feels difficult. Remember the vows you so freely spoke? Through good times, and bad...till death do us part... These aren't the best of times. But you vowed to stand together. You made great efforts to express your love. It's time to do that again. It's time to look into each other's eyes and see what Christ Jesus saw when He willingly laid down His life for you.

Put all selfish desires and ambitions to death. Put your spouse's needs first. Love unconditionally. Love without fail. Persist and pursue your love with relentless ambition.

I will continue to pray for you.