Hope Is Real

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick,

but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." (Proverbs 13:12)

Are you longing for your marriage to be restored?

If you're new to this blog, I want you to know that there IS HOPE for your marriage! No matter how overwhelming your pain is if you've been cheated on. No matter how much you hate yourself, feel unworthy of forgiveness and believe that you can't change if you've done the cheating. Even if you've already filed for divorce, there is still hope.

How can I say this?

Because my marriage is a living testimony to God's grace, forgiveness, and His power to heal and to restore.

Nothing about our journey has been easy, but I stand here looking back at what I've done in the past and my life has been put into perspective. 

Within the big picture - 

I am a human being, created in God's image (Genesis 1:27). I have sinned (meaning I have done wrong in the eyes of God by failing to live up to His perfect measure of holiness). I had a broken relationship with Him (Romans 3:23). I repented (meaning I changed my ways and turned away from my sins). I confessed my sins and have been forgiven (1 John 1:9). Now I am walking in His grace, in a relationship with Him (John 1:12).

Within the smaller picture -

That process in and of itself wasn't some kind of mystical formula that instantly restored my marriage. As humans, we still struggle against pride, as well as wrestle with shame and unworthiness issues. I am so thankful that my wife was able and willing to stay the incredibly painful course. 

Please remember that pain and difficulty doesn't equate to an impossibility. While in context, Jesus was talking about the difficulties of the rich (those who place their faith and hope in money) being saved/entering the Kingdom of God, He did say, "with God all things are possible" (Matthew 19:26). I would argue that same truth has complete relevance in the area of marital restoration.

If you need help or prayer, I have a list of resources on my main site: Forgiven Cheater

Another option - you can always post a response on any of my blog entries.

Or, you can email me directly.

God Bless You

What Do I Do Now?

WHAT NOW?
 
I've received so many questions from people asking what they should do now. The questions range from "I've forgiven him/her, now what?" to "We are staying together, but we just don't know how to put this behind us and move forward." to "How do I love him/her again?" and everything in between.

First of all, God bless you for choosing forgiveness. This is God's plan and desire for you. God is pro-restoration. We see that message played out all through history - from the first moment of disobedience and broken relationship between God and man in the Garden of Eden, to the Israelites continually turning their backs on God and then experiencing restoration, to the overall picture of a fallen humanity being offered grace and redemption through the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. God prefers restoration over broken relationships and divorce. In fact, God "hates divorce" (Malachi 2:16). He also only allowed divorce in situations of infidelity because of the hardness of our hearts (Matthew 19:8, Mark 10:5).

Those of you who feel completely numb, broken, and hurt beyond anything you've ever imagined know firsthand why it's easy for a heart to become hardened in situations of infidelity.

Let's flip it around for a moment and take the spotlight off of the one who caused the pain in your relationship. Take a moment to hold up a mirror and ponder your own life and choices for a moment. You might think, How dare you do this to me?!? I was the one who was cheated on!!! Hold on a moment, don't get riled up yet. I just want to put things in perspective. Yes you've been hurt. Yes it never should have happened. Yes it's inexcusable. But, let's consider who Jesus died for.

All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23)
Christ died for the ungodly. (Romans 5:6b)
But God demonstrates his own love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)
It is by grace you have been saved, through faith and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God. (Ephesians 2:8)
For God so loved the world that he sent his only son, that whoever believes in him will not perish but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)
 
You see, even though you might not have ever done something as painful as cheating or betraying your spouse, you still have fallen short of God's glory. Romans 5:6 calls us "ungodly" before our relationship with Him was ever restored. Even before you knew Him, when you were guilty of having a sinful nature, He chose to sacrifice His only son, Jesus, so that your relationship could be restored with Him. If you follow Jesus and profess Him as your Lord and Savior, you have been forgiven. You have been accepted into an eternal royal family, "Now if we are children, then we are heirs-heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ" (Romans 8:17).

Does that help a little bit? Does it help knowing that we all are guilty and rightly headed for God's judgment without His forgiveness? I hope it puts things into perspective a little bit.

There's also the danger that Jesus warned of in Matthew 6:15, Mark 11:26, and Matthew 18:35, that God will not forgive those who cannot forgive. What a problem that creates - someone accepts the free gift of salvation/grace/forgiveness from a Holy God, but then in-turn refuses to offer forgiveness to others because they are too hurt, hardened, or stubborn to do so. Does that sound harsh? I don't think so when considering the grace that's been extended to all of humanity. Think about this - Jesus even loves and died for ISIS, jihadists, terrorists, Hitler, cheaters, liars, murderers, pedophiles, child rapists, and every other hideous type of person you can imagine. I'm not saying all of those people/types accept His offer of forgiveness, but nevertheless He died for them to have the opportunity to be forgiven. He is willing to restore anyone into a loving relationship with Him, if only they will repent and seek His forgiveness.

There is also a pride and entitlement factor in refusing to forgive someone else. It's the mindset of "I deserve and I am worthy of God's grace because I'm not that bad. I can't fully forgive and move forward because this person doesn't deserve it. They've done something too wrong and painful to me." James 4:6 says, "But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: 'God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.'" It takes great humility to truly forgive and love a person who has done a great wrong to you. But that is precisely what God wants you to do.

Keeping that in mind, can you look into the eyes of the one who betrayed you and truly say, "I love you. It hurts, but I truly love you."

MOVING FORWARD

So, in practicality, take this moment and say to your spouse, "We will move forward. It hurts. It's difficult. But we will move forward." 

ADDITIONAL SUPPORT

Find support in your local church. Make sure you're in a solid-Biblically based, uncompromising church that believes Jesus is indeed exactly who He claimed to be (the only way to God). "I am the way, the truth, and the life: no one comes to the Father except through me" (John 14:6).

If your spouse needs help, find a Celebrate Recovery program in your area. CR is a Christ-Centered recovery program for any and all addictions. Here is their website: http://www.celebraterecovery.com/