She's Smiling More

SHE'S SMILING MORE

We are nearing the 5 year mark. At this point, we have gone through 5 years of concentrated efforts, prayer, forgiveness, moving forward, facing points that trigger instant memories and pain to emerge, emotional ups and downs and everything in between. 

Nearly 5 years since I confessed to EVERYTHING I'd ever done in secret. 

Nearly 5 years since I filed for divorce.

Nearly 5 years since I shattered my wife to the core with the devastating news that I'd been unfaithful more than once.

Nearly 5 years since I told my wife not to pray for me because there was "No way my heart would change."

Nearly 5 years since I ripped up the divorce papers and vowed never to use that word in our marriage again.

Nearly 5 years since I asked for forgiveness and we began to rebuild our broken relationship.

Many years ago, I used to pray and ask God to make my wife into someone who was interested in Him more - someone who prays - someone who wants to read the Bible with me - someone to partner with me, keeping Christ Jesus at the center of our relationship. Of course I resented that when I was living out my sinful choices.

Recently (meaning since the point we began to work towards restoration), my prayer had been for her to heal. I would ask that God would soften her heart from all of the hurt I caused. 

Both prayers were answered. During the worst moments of our marriage - the darkest hours - she became a pillar of faith. She embraced me the way that Jesus would embrace any sinner confessing and repenting. She prayed like a warrior for my heart to change. She prayed for the redemption of my soul.

The second prayer has been answered over the last year or so. She has become lighthearted. She smiles more and more. Her laughter lightens the burden from my shoulders. I love to see her stepping out of her shell again. The silliness and love for life has returned to the spirit of my sweetheart. Her laughter and smile are infectious and so incredibly beautiful.

I look back with shame into the darkened hallways of my past, but I remember to keep my eyes fixated on my Rock and my Redeemer, Christ Jesus. In Him, all hope is found (Ephesians 2:8-10; 2 Corinthians 4:16-18). Everything can be restored. Everything can be made new (Revelation 21:5). 

Moses (the author attributed to Deuteronomy) was writing to the people of Israel, reminding them to keep their covenant with God. I can relate to the sentiment contained in the following words -

When you and your children return to the LORD your God and obey him with all your heart and with all your soul according to everything I command you today, then the LORD your God will restore your fortunes and have compassion on you and gather you again from all the nations where he scattered you. Even if you have been banished to the most distant land under the heavens, from there the LORD your God will gather you and bring you back. He will bring you back to the land that belonged to your ancestors, and you will take possession of it. He will make you more prosperous and numerous than your ancestors. The LORD your God will circumcise your hearts and the hearts of your descendants, so that you may love him with all of your heart and with all of your soul, and live.

Deuteronomy 30:2-6

My wife and I, as a covenantally-connected couple, in unity, returned to God. We aren't rich by a long shot, but the fortune and blessing of a wonderful marriage has been restored. We were scattered and now we are unified. I metaphorically banished my wife - I too wandered in the distant lands away from God's grace, but He has gathered us back together and now we LIVE, we THRIVE with absolute joy. I am not saying that life is easy. We still face the daily challenges of living in a sinful and broken world, but we face it together.

I wanted to share this post as a beacon of encouragement to those who might think their situation is hopeless.

We Are Getting Divorced

The Text I Received From A Friend

Please pray for healing for us. We are getting divorced. We made a mistake getting married.

My Response Was This

I'm so sorry to hear that. We will continue to pray for you.

My Gut-Reaction

First of all dear friend, my prayer for you is that you will find the courage and grace to mend your marriage. I am sick on the inside. This epidemic of "WE MADE A MISTAKE GETTING MARRIED" has to come to an end. Remember, I said the exact same words to my wife - as I alluded to in my post, "I've Fallen Out Of Love." Our marriage has struggles, yes - but I am passionately in love with my wife. I never dreamed that I would ever be so completely satisfied and joyful in any relationship.

A Message To The Voices In Our Culture

All of you placaters and politically correct water-downers who have some kind of fear of speaking the truth - STOP. Stop placating. Stop watering down situations and helping to further the destruction of marriages, while turning your backs on the beauty of forgiveness. Stop encouraging people that there's somebody better out there. Stop telling people that they deserve better. Stop fostering the idea that a mistake had been made in the marriage.

Learn to speak the TRUTH in love, so that we can grow and mature in Christ (Eph 4:13).

We need to take collective responsibility for the epidemic of divorce and broken homes in our country.

Here Are The Three Sections Of My Friend's Text

Please Pray For Healing For Us.

Absolutely. Will do. Already on it. I prayed this morning before I even asked him how things were going. I prayed after I received his text. I am praying as I type. I will continue to pray as the hours and days pass in the future.

What am I praying for? Healing that looks like this: Forgiveness, Grace, Humility, Brokenness spilling into new life, RESTORATION.

Why am I praying for these things? Because it is what I am called to do. Because it is the WILL OF GOD. Because it is the right thing to do. MOST IMPORTANTLY - because it is feasible, plausible, and unarguably possible through Christ Jesus. My marriage is a living testament to that claim.

We Are Getting Divorced.

This is the popular track to follow. This seems easiest. End it all. Chalk this one up to experience. Live and learn. Cool. Let's throw a divorce party and move onward & upward!! (Yes, there is a growing trend of divorce parties, much like bachelor and bachelorette parties with people/businesses turning quite a profit.)

Things WILL NOT get better. Psychology Today reports, "67% of second, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce." TIME devoted an entire article to the subject, noting, "the replacement...doesn't actually restore the family."

So I ask you why. Why are you getting divorced? You can't take the heat? That's what up-close and personal relationships are like. Things get heated. Situations get uncomfortable. Sometimes people seem unbearable with their annoying traits and nagging voices and all the other things that drive you up the wall...wait...what about when the camera is flipped around? What does your spouse see in you? All of your flaws/annoying traits/blemishes.... BECAUSE WE ARE ALL FLAWED. Remember this, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Rom 3:23). The only perfect person is the Lord Jesus Christ. That's because He is God in the flesh. We can never measure up to that level of perfection.

Marriages are a direct reflection of the relationship between Christ Jesus and the church. "We all, like sheep have gone astray" (Isa 53:6). We all have been unfaithful to our God, over and over and over again. And yet, God demonstrated His love for us "while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Rom 5:8). Do you see that? When we were busy offending and snubbing God, Jesus DIED for us, in our place - He took our sin on Himself and gave us the opportunity to be made righteous and sinless in His sight. What does that mean? It means, He enabled forgiveness and restoration.

The three basic ideas of a marriage are this: 

1. Two separate people become one (Mk 10:8, Gen 2:24, Eph 5:31, Matt 19:5). Get it? Two sinful, selfish people with their own flawed egos enter into a relationship that was designed to last a lifetime.

2. A wife is supposed to submit to her husband (Eph 5:22-23). That means all of her hopes, dreams, and desires are to be submitted to her husband.

3. A husband is supposed to love his wife in the same way that Christ loved the church (Eph 5:25). That means, a husband is supposed to sacrificially lay down his life for his wife.

If those three basic idea were truly followed, there would never be divorce. There would be no abuse. There would be no infidelity. There would be no conflict. There would be no issue. There would be no epidemic. Why? Because there would be equal submission. There would be equal sacrifice.

We Made A Mistake Getting Married

No you didn't. You were madly in love with each other. You couldn't stand to be apart. You constantly thought about one another. Your heart raced when you first met. You wrote songs about your love. You spent time writing to each other, expressing your heartfelt passionate words of love.

You made mistakes along the way. Some of those mistakes hurt deeply.

You're making a mistake by getting divorced.

Stay the course, even when it feels difficult. Remember the vows you so freely spoke? Through good times, and bad...till death do us part... These aren't the best of times. But you vowed to stand together. You made great efforts to express your love. It's time to do that again. It's time to look into each other's eyes and see what Christ Jesus saw when He willingly laid down His life for you.

Put all selfish desires and ambitions to death. Put your spouse's needs first. Love unconditionally. Love without fail. Persist and pursue your love with relentless ambition.

I will continue to pray for you.