Wednesday, December 9, 2015

I've Fallen In Love!


If you've been following our journey, you'll know that there are good days as well as bad ones. Sometimes I've felt like the light at the end of the tunnel is a mirage, or figment of my imagination. There have even been times when I've pondered the value of my own life - after all the pain I've caused, wouldn't things be better if I weren't here at all.

Through it all, we persist and press forward.

The Bible tells us to "Consider it pure joy [emphasis added], my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" (James 1:2-4).

That kind of mindset feels nearly impossible when you are in the midst of the storm.

Sometimes people tend to blame God, as if He were the instigator, the cause, or even the orchestrator of our problems, dilemmas, and tragedies. God is not the cause of our problems. Sin is the cause of our problems. Our world, once perfect, has fallen into sin through the willful disobedience of mankind. The current condition of things (sin, sickness, death, tragedies) is on our shoulders. When someone you love betrays you, that is not God's fault. We have free will. We make our own choices. The consequences of those choices sometimes hurt others. God loves us, and will never leave us or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:8). Ultimately, and as difficult as this might be to grasp when you're in a difficult situation, "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28).

That being said, I wanted to share with you something that recently happened.

My wife and I were invited to attend a friend's wedding. Weddings are difficult for my wife, since she is torn and distraught about the value and meaning of our wedding since I betrayed our vows.

After the wedding, we attended the reception which was catered with delectable Italian food. There was also a live band playing some really great and fun tunes. At one point, they invited everyone to the dance floor. I am not a dancer. I've acted professionally for many years, and I've even had the lead in a few musicals. BUT - I've never danced. In fact, one musical I was in (Blood Brothers) included several dance numbers...none of which included me. The director attempted to put me in one dance number, and halfway through one rehearsal of that number he asked me to remove myself from the choreography.

With that kind of negative "I can't dance" cloud hanging over my head, I looked into the deep beautiful blue eyes of my wife as they sparkled in the festive lights of the evening and asked, "Would you like to go dance with me?"

She smiled and said, "Yes!"

We slow-danced, and then that song ended. Next up came a song with a much faster tempo...oh the pressure to run back to my seat was monumental! Regardless, I stayed on the dance floor with my wife. We created our own dance moves. We stepped in time with each other. My wife's smile was radiant! Not only were her feet dancing, but her eyes were dancing with joy as well. I looked at her and took everything in: the lights, the music, the aroma of good food, the laughter, the freedom from any burden or past mistakes, and my wife, my beautiful wife, enjoying herself like a carefree teenage girl! My heart soared! I fell instantly in love with her all over again. If I walked up to her in that moment for the very first time, I would have dropped immediately to my knee and asked her to marry me.

Here we are, nearly two weeks after the event and my heart is still warm. I'm in love with my wife more so than I was when I first met her in high school over 24 years ago.

You see? Miracles can happen. Hearts can change.

If you read these posts because you feel like you have no hope, please be encouraged! Pray for your spouse. Pray for their heart to change. Pray for your own heart to change. Pray for God's design for your marriage to be restored. Ask others to pray for you. Send a message to me - I'll be more than happy to pray for you as well.


  1. I really hope it's real... Half a year isn't enough. Maybe 5 years. And every after that is still a struggle

    1. Hello Anonymous - for us, it's been close to 2 years since I made the decision to repent and accept my wife's forgiveness. Are you saying that it's only been around 6 months for your relationship?

  2. My ex left me after 12 years of meeting someone on a dating site known him 16 weeks and 14 weeks pregnant will it last

    1. Hello Unknown - I'm so sorry to hear about your painful situation. The statistics are against someone entering into a second, or even third marriage. Their relationship will probably not last. Has your ex shown any interest in asking for your forgiveness? Has your ex continued to try to maintain some kind of relationship with you?

  3. I enjoy your blog but I do wish your wife would share how she manages to move forward. its been 6 months since my husband of 15 years had a one night stand with someone who I thought was a close friend.sometimes it feels like we will never be the same if we are even fixable at all....

    1. Hello Anonymous - There have been a couple of posts with her words, "Raw Words From My Wife"
      and "A Side-Note From My Wife"
      But I will ask her to write something out to cover that specific subject. Finding free time to write is a rare thing for my wife. She works full-time and she's also working on her PhD. But, the words I share are not always from my perspective. They just come across that way. Almost everything has either been discussed at length, or run by my wife before posting it for the world to see. The suggestions, guidance, insight, and advice I provide are Biblically based and come directly from the heart and mind of my wife and I together. She's almost on Christmas/Winter break. I'll see if she can spare a few hours to write a post. Thank you for your suggestion.

  4. I am struggling with forgiveness. My husband cheated on me and the woman had a baby. He is still home with me and the kids, but all the feelings I have suppressed for a year now is coming out. It took almost a year for him to ask for forgiveness. I know I have to forgive, bc I am a Christian and God forgives me everyday. I am not claiming to be holier than thou either. I have been faithful to him, but I used my mouth to destroy him. Although he made me feel less than, I still stayed true to my marriage. We've been married for 15 1 /2 years and together for 22. We both are 36 years old and I am proud to say that marrying at such a young age, I adored my husband. I am praying and I ask for prayer all the time to get over this madness. I know the devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy and everyone makes mistakes. I have made plenty in my days. What can I do to get over the infidelity and get back to loving my husband?

    1. Hello Disappointed,

      I don't want you to think I'm ignoring your message. December is slammed for us with three of our boys' birthdays, our anniversary, and of course Christmas. I will write back and address your question as soon as possible (probably in early January at the latest).

      In the meantime, I HIGHLY recommend that you pick up a copy of the book, Every Heart Restored. That book will speak to your heart and might even answer your question better than I ever could.

      We'll be praying for you.

  5. My wife was so smooth at hiding her infidelity and I had no proof for months, I saw a recommendation about a Private investigator  and decided to give him a try.. the result was incredible because all my cheating wife’s text messages, whatsapp, facebook and even phone calls conversations was linked directly to my cellphone. ( Mr James helped me put a round-the-clock monitoring on her and I got concrete evidence and gave it to my lawyer..if your wife is an expert at hiding his cheating adventures contact him. thank you