Wednesday, December 9, 2015
I've Fallen In Love!
If you've been following our journey, you'll know that there are good days as well as bad ones. Sometimes I've felt like the light at the end of the tunnel is a mirage, or figment of my imagination. There have even been times when I've pondered the value of my own life - after all the pain I've caused, wouldn't things be better if I weren't here at all.
Through it all, we persist and press forward.
The Bible tells us to "Consider it pure joy [emphasis added], my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" (James 1:2-4).
That kind of mindset feels nearly impossible when you are in the midst of the storm.
Sometimes people tend to blame God, as if He were the instigator, the cause, or even the orchestrator of our problems, dilemmas, and tragedies. God is not the cause of our problems. Sin is the cause of our problems. Our world, once perfect, has fallen into sin through the willful disobedience of mankind. The current condition of things (sin, sickness, death, tragedies) is on our shoulders. When someone you love betrays you, that is not God's fault. We have free will. We make our own choices. The consequences of those choices sometimes hurt others. God loves us, and will never leave us or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:8). Ultimately, and as difficult as this might be to grasp when you're in a difficult situation, "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28).
That being said, I wanted to share with you something that recently happened.
My wife and I were invited to attend a friend's wedding. Weddings are difficult for my wife, since she is torn and distraught about the value and meaning of our wedding since I betrayed our vows.
After the wedding, we attended the reception which was catered with delectable Italian food. There was also a live band playing some really great and fun tunes. At one point, they invited everyone to the dance floor. I am not a dancer. I've acted professionally for many years, and I've even had the lead in a few musicals. BUT - I've never danced. In fact, one musical I was in (Blood Brothers) included several dance numbers...none of which included me. The director attempted to put me in one dance number, and halfway through one rehearsal of that number he asked me to remove myself from the choreography.
With that kind of negative "I can't dance" cloud hanging over my head, I looked into the deep beautiful blue eyes of my wife as they sparkled in the festive lights of the evening and asked, "Would you like to go dance with me?"
She smiled and said, "Yes!"
We slow-danced, and then that song ended. Next up came a song with a much faster tempo...oh the pressure to run back to my seat was monumental! Regardless, I stayed on the dance floor with my wife. We created our own dance moves. We stepped in time with each other. My wife's smile was radiant! Not only were her feet dancing, but her eyes were dancing with joy as well. I looked at her and took everything in: the lights, the music, the aroma of good food, the laughter, the freedom from any burden or past mistakes, and my wife, my beautiful wife, enjoying herself like a carefree teenage girl! My heart soared! I fell instantly in love with her all over again. If I walked up to her in that moment for the very first time, I would have dropped immediately to my knee and asked her to marry me.
Here we are, nearly two weeks after the event and my heart is still warm. I'm in love with my wife more so than I was when I first met her in high school over 24 years ago.
You see? Miracles can happen. Hearts can change.
If you read these posts because you feel like you have no hope, please be encouraged! Pray for your spouse. Pray for their heart to change. Pray for your own heart to change. Pray for God's design for your marriage to be restored. Ask others to pray for you. Send a message to me - I'll be more than happy to pray for you as well.