Wednesday, April 15, 2015
A Side-Note From My Wife
My wife reads this blog.
This blog isn't something I'm writing secretly or without her consent. Based on my history, I refuse to do anything secretly. Secrecy destroys trust. I'm not talking about the occasional secret that you're planning with your spouse in mind, like a surprise getaway or something like that. I'm talking about lies, deception, misrepresentation of the truth, lack of full communication (ie. hopes, dreams, plans, wishes, thoughts, or anything else that you might choose to withhold from your spouse). A successful marriage takes full-disclosure, vulnerability, transparency, and trust.
This blog is painful for my wife to read.
Although everything is out in the open, when she reads my words it serves as a painful reminder of what I've done. It hurts to learn that you've been betrayed. It also hurts when you are reminded of it. In spite of that, my wife has graciously allowed me to tell our story (or at least my perspective) with the hope that it will save someone from the pain of infidelity, or even save marriages from divorce after a spouse has been unfaithful.
I have a side-note from my wife.
Sometimes when she reads a new entry, she asks about the way she's being portrayed. For example, a couple of entries ago in my post entitled, "Rough Waters," she was concerned that it might seem like she's over-dramatizing things that are behind us.
Here are her words:
I felt like I was possibly being conveyed as harsh and unreasonable...holding onto the past because questions still arise...and that I am a fragile being because I don't view myself as beautiful or valuable to you because I was unwanted and thrown away. The truth is, I may never feel that I am beautiful or valuable in your eyes.
Here is my response, not only to her, but to anyone who might have perceived her in that light:
I don't feel that I'm portraying my wife as fragile or weak. It takes the strongest of people to look an offender in the face and say, "I forgive you." It takes the Spirit of Christ Jesus living inside of someone to look the person who harmed you in the eye and say, "I truly love you."
Yes, I did throw my wife away. Yes, I did forsake our marriage vows. That was in direct correlation to the way I viewed myself as completely worthless based on my own history of pain (detailed in a previous post entitled, "Shapes from the Past."
I am striving every day to build her up, encourage her, reassure her, and help her to believe that my heart is completely hers. I love her fully, and completely. However, the result of cheating ultimately causes the wounded person to perpetually question and wonder what can be believed as truth.