Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Frustrating Fault of Mine

I Feel Like My Hands Are Tied

Something you ought to know about me - I don't have a great filter when I'm talking to people. I have a habit of just blurting out whatever comes to my mind. 

Think before you speak. I remember my parents repeating those words quite a few times in my childhood.

It's not that I purposefully try to make situations awkward, or that I have the intention of hurting my beautiful wife. It's just that my care-free impulsiveness takes the reins more often than not. Some of that impulsiveness probably contributed to my promiscuity and infidelity, in addition to all of the "Shapes from the Past" that hadn't been dealt with.

Scripture comes to mind, "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak..." (James 1:19 NIV). 

What does that have to do with this blog?

Well, there are several things I want to just blurt out on these virtual pages. 

Thinking before I speak quickly translates to thinking before I type something as well. Sometimes I'll get inspired to talk about something that happened in our marriage that I want to share with all of you. I'll type it out & publish it, only to find out that my wife wasn't 100% comfortable with the information. She acknowledges that we will reveal our names, photos, and other personal details to help connect with our readers eventually. However, for now, she's not ready. I'm not going to push her. I will remain patient. 

My intention with sharing details? I want you to see a real person. I want you to be able to connect to something concrete; real life, real struggles, genuine hope, honest-to-goodness verifiable heart transformation, a beautifully restored marriage, the truth of Jesus lived out in someone's home. 

I don't know how easy that is for you. My wife and I don't have pictures of us on this blog. We don't publish our names. I have only hinted at the large metropolitan area we live near. It's still a bit vague. But when I talk about specific health issues, or how many kids we have, or that she's pregnant right now, it narrows possibilities down a bit. That makes her uncomfortable.

My goal is not to make my wife uncomfortable. Remember my post, "Rebuilding Trust?" If I truly want my wife to feel safe, I have to consider all aspects of the trust she wants to have for me again. That includes topics and details that I put here on this blog.

Good Generic Information

So, for now, I will do my best to continue publishing relevant information while not compromising my wife's trust. Wouldn't that be a kind of double-standard: My desire to help inspire others and to send a message of hope at the expense of my wife? I can't do that. 

More Detailed Information

What has helped you so far? What is it about this blog or our story that you've connected with? What stage are you at in your relationship? Have you recently discovered your spouse has cheated? Are you only suspicious right now? Was it years ago? Are you on the brink of divorce? Have you kept it a secret? Are you working on restoration? Drop us a line. We'd love to connect with you & to pray for your marriage.


  1. Thank you so much for your blog. It has been a great source of inspiration for me. Especially you being so open and honest about what has happened and how it happened. How you feel and how your wife feels. I have experienced that people (atleast in mu experience) don't open up about this because they are ashamed. And so I felt like I was the only one going thru this or feeling a certain way. Reading you blog has been of great help to me and I hope you can continue to write about this and about you journey. God bless you and your family

    1. Anonymous,

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. You are not alone! I pray that you experience (or are able to give) forgiveness and healing amidst brokenness.


  2. If you know you not ready for a relationship why get into one and still cheat and liar. I was dying inside for my cheating wife , i had no prove, no one to run to. Everyone thought i was paranoid. until i was referred to a Private Investigator  Mr James . I told him about my situation and He understood me well and helped me spy on my wife.He hacked my wifes Gmail and Facebook account and linked all her WhatsApp and phone conversation to me, to find out the truth.I saw all the evidence and i was heart Broken,I just want to openly say thank you to James for helping me get evidence against her,i feel so hurt. If you need help please contact him Mr James ( via Email. 

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