In An Instant - Or, Something Is Rotten In The State Of Denmark

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.
                                  - Marcellus (Hamlet 1.4)

 In An Instant

Things have been going really well. My wife has been lighthearted more often. Her smile is radiant. Her giggle prompts contagious laughter from others. An ease and pleasant normality has become commonplace in our home once again.

I can see and feel her trust beginning to grow.

…and then, in an instant…

The Setting

As is our custom, we were taking an evening shower together. As we stood in the soothing hot water, we recapped the day.

Our oldest wants to borrow the car for a date night. That’s fine, as long as he fills the tank.

Our 4^th grade son has been a little mean to our 5^th grade son. We’ll pay closer attention and be sure to address anything we see him doing.

As we continued down the list of our children, I suddenly realized that I had insta-gas. What did I eat? I’m not sure, but this backside pressure was something that didn’t even give me enough time to politely jump out of the shower. BAM!

Ok. That just happened.

Honestly, we’ve been marred for nearly 22 years. Flatulation happens. If she hasn’t heard me by now, something isn’t right. The problem is that a hot and steamy shower keeps odors locked in and amplifies the potential toxins.

So, I played it off with a sheepish grin and confidently declared, “Just call me Romeo.”

Her Response

Without missing a beat, she said, “I wonder who else you’ve felt comfortable enough to do that in front of.”

Shutdown

The relaxing and soothing moment jumped from pleasant to painfully uncomfortable in an unforeseen instant.

I immediately became silent. The weight of what I’d done in the past stood solidly on my shoulders once again.

After a seeming eternity of silence (when in reality it was probably only a few seconds), she asked me what was wrong.

I replied, “Well, we were having a nice time relaxing and talking, and then I let one go…and then you wondered ‘who else’ I’ve done that in front of. I feel badly that anything can remind you of what I’ve done. And honestly, no, I never did that in front of any of them.”

She said, “It doesn’t necessarily have to mean ‘them.’ You’ve had many girlfriends in your life, it might have happened with any one of them as well.” I felt like she was trying to soften the blow a little bit. Then she said, “At least maybe I have this. Maybe this can be something that you’ve only done with me.”

Ouch.

Debrief 

What’s the point of sharing all of this? I’m just trying to be real. Life gets better, but reminders of our sinful mistakes can be only a moment away. I was going to say that they can be only a breath away, but given the gassy nature of the situation, I wanted to air…uh, I mean err on the side of seriousness.

Also, it’s not that infidelity is a laughing matter, but through the pain and in our journey of healing, we need to learn to laugh again.

“But a man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself” (Proverbs 6:32).