What? Did you hear me correctly? Yes, I said that porn is okay.
Of course I don't personally believe that to be true. However, apparently it is widely acceptable by many couples. Just this morning I ran across a LMFT (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist) blog that suggested porn is acceptable for a married couple, as long as it's not kept as a secret. This is a FLAT OUT LIE. Todd Creager, the author of the blog, must have missed a couple of key elements about what porn does to a man.
From a non-religious standpoint, porn devalues women, period. Men who view pornography learn to view women as mere objects of sexual gratification. The God-given need for relationship gives way to a consumerist mindset of pure consumption.
I can't speak about the way porn affects a woman when she watches it, but I can tell you how it makes her feel when her husband does.
Luke Gilkerson, author at Covenant Eyes posted statistical facts about porn, including this: "64% of self-identified Christian men and 15% of self-identified Christian women view pornography at least once a month." It's time for us to take each other by the hand, look to Christ, and say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
Dr. Grant Mullen says, "A woman whose husband has been viewing pornography experiences no different feelings than if he had had a physical affair. It is just as painful, demoralizing and real." My wife, who has experienced both aspects (me viewing pornography, as well as physical infidelity) will tell you that they both hurt deeply. Both situations cause a woman to "feel less than good enough. Their self image, self respect, and self worth will have been thrust so far down that you might wonder if they can ever be built back up again" as I said in my post entitled, "Rough Waters."
Geoff Steurer, another LMFT says, "In all of my years of counseling individuals and couples, I have never seen any other behavior produce a pattern of pain and misery as predictable as that which happens to an individual and his marriage when he views pornography."
Jesus tells us that it is a matter of the heart, "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." (Matt 5:28) You see, Jesus, the creator of the universe says that viewing pornography is in fact, CHEATING. There isn't a single man out there who can look me in the eye, and tell me that he's not lusting when he's looking at porn.
From my own experience, I know that pornography played an important role in my own infidelity. It started way back in the early 1980's with an act of innocent curiosity.
Even though my wife and I are on the road to restoration, I've already injured her. What about you? Are you willing to take steps to remain faithful to your spouse? Are you willing to stop viewing porn immediately? Are you willing to help educate those around you about the dangers of pornography?
Here's a great resource called Pink Cross Foundation that helps heal lives from pornography: https://www.thepinkcross.org/
The founder of Pink Cross gives an incredible lecture to high school students in this youtube video:
Spot on "Forgiven". I will stop there in addressing you for that is what you are. Another good resource in this area is "The Pornography Trap; Setting pastors and Laypersons Free from Sexual Addiction" by Mark R. Laaser. Oh yes, you also get an "A" for shock value/attention grabbing in a title. God bless you and your wife as the Love of God heals you both.
ReplyDeletePastor Tony,
DeleteThank you for your additional resource! I look forward to reading it. I'm glad to hear that it grabbed your attention. I hope our story reaches those who might be going through something similar.
Blessings to you
Where is the scripture to underpin all of this emotional pleading?
ReplyDeleteThe first scripture was sited in the post, "Matthew 5:8." There are plenty more. Job, who is noted as being righteous in God's sight (Luke 1:6), made a "covenant with [his] eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman." While righteous, he was still a sinful and flawed man, but he continually exhibited righteous behaviors. 2 Timothy 2:22 instructs us to "flee youthful lusts." Philippians 4:8 tells us, "whatever is true...noble...right...pure...lovely...admirable...excellent...praiseworthy--think about such things. Looking at porn is the opposite of that verse. Romans 13:9 sums up the entire law, "...You shall not commit adultery...you shall not covet...and whatever other command there may be, are all summed up in this one command: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" We already saw in the first scripture reference that porn is adultery according to Jesus' definition. We also know that looking at porn is covetousness (yearning to possess or have something). There are many more...need I go on? Was your question to test me? If so, I highly encourage the practice of testing and checking up on me. The Berean church was "of more noble character" (Acts 17:11) than other churches since they "examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true." Or was your question meant to help justify the usage of porn amongst believers in Christ?
DeleteIt's frustrating not to have the ability to edit a reply. The other thought I was going to mention - if we truly loved our neighbor as ourselves, we would turn our eyes from anything suggestive or pornographic in nature. Would you feel comfortable with your own body on display for the world to see? What about your wife, daughter, sister, mother, grandmother...?
Delete