I’ve mentioned before in previous posts that certain things-
songs, places, whatever, can trigger negative memories for my wife. The post that gets into the most detail about this subject is called, "Forgiveness Can't Forget." I can’t
imagine the inner turmoil she must have suffered, walking through our house and
sleeping in our bed through our process of restoration. It must have been
agonizing. I soiled our home. I violated the serenity of our bedroom. I
desecrated our bed. I created memories with another female, using items that
belonged to “us.” I used “our” things to facilitate and to destroy the sanctity
of our marriage.
Although we’ve redone a few things (new carpet, new bathroom
tile…), there were still a couple of items left in our home (aside from the
house itself) that caused negative feelings to emerge within my wife. One of
those items was a set of sheets from “around that time.” The other thing was
our bed frame. I threw the sheets into a pile of ‘donation stuff’ a couple of
months ago and sent it away. But the bedframe was something my wife suggested
that we move into the playroom (which had recently been converted into a
guestroom).
I didn’t want anything in our house that could possibly
trigger any more negative memories as we move forward, so I disassembled the
bedframe. I then dragged it out to the curb and called the city sanitation
truck for a bulky item pickup. I suppose it’s rather fitting for a garbage
truck to come and dispose of that bedframe.
I consider my wife to be THE MOST AMAZING Godly woman I’ve
ever met. Am I saying she’s perfect? Absolutely not. What I am saying though,
is that she has taken God’s command to truly forgive, and lived it out.
The Bible tells us, if we forgive others, our Heavenly
Father will forgive us – BUT if we do NOT forgive others, then God will NOT
forgive us (Mark 11:25-26, Matthew 6:14-15). Maybe that’s one of the reasons
it’s so incredibly difficult to be a genuine follower of Christ. Forgiveness is
not easy, but by the grace of God, my wife chose to forgive.
I remember calling her names when she first told me that she
forgave me. I called her “desperate” and “weak.” I told her that she didn’t
have the courage to live without me. I loathed myself and I wanted her to give
me the kind of hatred I deserved (according to the world’s standard).
I was using the language of the enemy – the father of lies.
My wife was not weak in the slightest. She could have handled and managed life
if we had ended up divorced. But instead, she chose the most difficult path.
She chose to submit her fears, worries, pain, and any potential for weakness to
Christ Jesus. That was the most powerful, strength-filled decision she could
have possibly made.
Because of the way she chose to respond, I was given an
incredible gift. I had been set free. I had been given much grace, love, and
forgiveness. Once I received it, I then had the potential to love and forgive
others in great ways. Jesus said, “whoever has been forgiven little loves
little” (Luke 7:47b). I now walk through life with the potential to love and
forgive in unending ways because of the way I experienced His forgiveness
through the actions of my wife.
In reality, we all have that same potential. Remember, “God
demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ
died for us” (Romans 5:8). That means before we were even aware of our sin –
before we were aware of the fact that we were offending and sinning against God
– He sent Jesus to pay the price for our sin with His death on the cross. None
of us has been forgiven little. We all have been offered the opportunity to be
forgiven much.
The major difference between the forgiveness we experience
between each other vs. the forgiveness we experience from God is the memory of
the event. As human beings, we may offer forgiveness, but we can’t truly
forget. We can forgive and move forward, but the memories remain. This presents
a challenge in relationships as intimate as a husband and wife. That’s why I’ve
tried to remove old reminders as best as I can, but it will never be enough. If
we move to another house, we’ll still have the city, the state, and the
specific places that trigger certain memories. If we move to another state,
we’ll still have names, songs, or some other unforeseen ‘thing’ that could
trigger a painful memory at any given time.
God has the ability to completely remove the stains and
memories of our sins permanently. The Bible says, “For I will forgive their
wickedness and will remember their sins no more” (Hebrews 8:12). Isaiah 43:25
tells us, “I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake,
and remembers your sins no more.” There
is also the vivid description of God casting our sins “into the depths of the
sea” (Micah 7:19).
What a beautiful concept to carry around in life! We don’t
have to get rid of old reminders of our sinful past. Once we “confess our sins,
he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all
unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). We don’t have to clean out our closet, or our
bedroom, or anything. Why? Because “if anyone is in Christ, the new creation
has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” (2 Corinthians 5:17). We don’t
have to clean anything out, because we are made completely new! This isn’t a
donation of old stuff. This isn’t a new coat of paint to hide the grime
underneath. This is complete transformation.
Go out and walk in that for a while.
Blessings to you!
